


Destroy the KaiSoo

by Exceeding



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Comedy, Crack, EXO - Freeform, Fluff, KaiSoo - Freeform, M/M, Military, OT12 - Freeform, Ridiculous, Romance, Swearing, taosoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 07:10:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12812337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Exceeding/pseuds/Exceeding
Summary: Tao finally decides to do what he must to end this ship, once and for all!





	Destroy the KaiSoo

Tao crossed his legs as he wore his expensive cotton-infused black business-man bottoms.

His brown leather boots tapped each other and the room fell silent.

The food around the large wooden dining table was suddenly dropped back onto their plates as Tao cleared his throat. "Any news on the reported... KaiSoo?" He said the ship name with a venomous accent.

"Sir! We have located the enemy, Jongin! He is in the kitchen!" Xiumin said with a frown.

"Very good recruit." Tao said licking his lips in an evil fashion.

"T-There's someone else in there!" Sehun squeaked as he located the coordinates.

"Who!?" Tao said sitting, up his glasses tilting.

"It's... Kyungsoo!" Sehun called out for confirmation.

"That bastard Kai thinking he can take what is mine! Load the weapons!" Tao screamed angrily as he stood up in a fist-pumping position.

"Guys Kyungsoo wanted to know what we were ordering out- HOLY JESUS! Why do you have guns?! What did we say about this play time session!? Not to go overboard!" Suho groaned face-palming the situation.

"But-"

"No Tao! You and the other eight of you out of the dining room and into the garden!" He decided walking out of the room.

The boys all groaned and headed outside.

"Oh great Tao, how will we secure the maiden Kyungsoo's safety without a base of operations?" Baekhyun asked, all the hope drained from him.

Tao turned to face in a direction away from them all as if he was looking into a camera in a movie.

"We... Spy through the window!" Tao said in a tone of a solution.

"Wow!" Chen said clapping at Tao's amazing plans.

They all crowded around the kitchen windows looking in at the... KaiSoo.

Luhan groaned. "Hey I can't see Kris, move your head!"

Kris turned to him and frowned. "Shut it, Luhan, go be a lookout!"

Luhan scoffed. "Lookout!? We're looking in! Screw this! ... Come." He said dragging Xiumin with him back into the house.

"Tao, sir? We've lost two soldiers." Chanyeol said whispering to his leader.

Tao sighed. "Traitors, who needs 'em."

 

"Kyungsoo?" Kai said as he looked through the take-out menus to decide on what to eat.

"Yep?" He replied cleaning the kitchen from breakfast.

"Don't look but, Tao, Chanyeol, Sehun, Baekhyun, Kris and Chen are watching us through the window."

Kyungsoo turned anyway and mentally rolled his eyes. He turned back to Kai and smiled.

"Just ignore them. I don't know what's wrong with Tao recently, he has this creepy leader atmosphere..." He said assuring Kai.

"Ah!" Kai said chuckling.

 

"Did you see that!?" Baekhyun said with fear.

Tao nodded.

"I know recruit, I know... It's like that stain has a screen over my precious Kyungsoo! He looked this way and didn't even see me... Witchcraft!"

The others gasped.

They looked back to them and saw Kai showing Kyungsoo a menu.

Sehun screamed.

"Contain yourself!" Chen said grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him violently, but Sehun was out for the count at the horror of the KaiSoo.

"Kris, Chen, take him to the infirmary, he needs rest!" Tao said pointing towards a tree in the garden with a picnic blanket and a sign saying 'medical shit or whatever'.

Kris and Chen nodded and dragged Sehun by his feet to the tree.

"Some of us just can't stomach it..." Chanyeol said putting his hand to his mouth.

"Keep it together recruit, I can't lose any more of you." Tao said sniffling at the pain and torture his soldiers had faced along the way.

"Hey look Kyungsoo is pointing at a brochure for a café!" Baekhyun reported.

Tao's face boiled in anger.

"My God! He wants to take him on a date! R-Recruits... I don't think, I can take any more..." Tao said hunching over with heartbreak.

"No! We need you, captain!" Chanyeol and Baekhyun said with tears falling down their cheeks onto the dry barren grass they were kneeling on.

"Go save yourself! You don't need me... Go!" Tao commanded and they both scurried away regretful of their obedience to their leader.

Tao glanced one last time into the window to see Kyungsoo and Kai wearing coats and picking up the keys for the car.

"I lost this battle..." He mumbled a tear falling down his face into the grass. He laid down. 

"Tao!" A voice called above him.

"Lay?!" Tao said looking at him in shock. "Where were you when we needed you most!?" He asked angrily.

"I've been here the whole time."

"Oh..." Tao replied awkwardly.

"Yeah, oh! I was trying to tell you throughout this whole thing that KaiSoo is just a fanfiction myth! It's puke, it doesn't exist!" Lay said happily from a scientific report conducted by the "EXO TaoSoo Society".

"Thank God! Lay, Soldier, you have saved me!" Tao said grabbing Lay into a hug. "Now I'm going to destroy the KaiSoo chances for good!" He said throwing out two guns and catching them in unison.

"Fighting!" Lay called after Tao who began to run. He sighed... "Seriously though, what the fu-"

 

"Kai!" Tao called in the distance.

Kyungsoo and Jongin span around.

"You're mine!" He said crazily running towards him.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, literally this time, and stepped in front of Kai.

"Stop, it's seven at night! What are you doing with-- Are they guns!?" Kyungsoo squealed grabbing them.

"It's just water..." Tao pouted. He shook his head, do not be fooled by this, Kyungsoo is being controlled by Kai!

"Fight me!" Tao said grabbing him and clenching his fist. "What-" Kai said wide-eyed full of confusion.

"Stop it, stop it! For heaven's sake Tao." Tao let Jongin go, and retreated a few steps.

"I love you!" Tao said looking into Kyungsoo's eyes.

The rest of the members including Suho watched from the side of the house and 'awwwed' in harmony.

Baekhyun turned on the giant house fan they owned to add a cool breeze blowing through the night sky. Kris dropped petals in front of it.

Kai stepped away from them a little in awkwardness.

"I can play the piano, Yiruma - Kiss The Rain sound good?" Xiumin said grabbing an organ from nowhere. "Yes, that's perfect," Chen said passing around tissues.

Xiumin began to play.

"Okay, I get it!" Kyungsoo said pissed as a petal whacked him in the face.

Everyone stopped.

"Tao I love you too, but what was with the spying and crazy running, and killing Kai?!" Kyungsoo asked utterly confused as an outsider to all of this.

"He was trying to make KaiSoo real!" Tao said wiping his eyes.

"Well, it won't be." Kyungsoo said leaning up to Tao and pecking him on the nose.

"It's so adorable!" Kai squealed as he jumped for joy.

"Wait, what, he shipped them? Luhan said exploding confused.

"Let's go get take-out," Kyungsoo said linking his hand with his lovers.

"Take out?" Tao questioned him. "Yeah, Kai was helping me decide what to get for everyone..." Kyungsoo said revealing the reason they were in the kitchen together. Lay and Suho rolled their eyes knowingly.

"Don't do anything gross in my car, you guys!" Sehun said ready to kill anyone who hurt his car.

Baekhyun smiled, and the rest went back inside.

"I want to pick the food!" Tao said gripping Kyungsoo's hand tighter as they walked to the car.

 

When the rest of the members sat down Kris sighed.

"What's up?" Lay asked kicking off his shoes.

"It's boring when they make-up," Kris confessed.

"What are you saying?!" Kai said angrily.

"I agree, wasn't today loads of fun with Tao trying to 'win' our little Kyungie back?" Chanyeol said chuckling.

"Super fun!" Xiumin said laughing cutely.

"Yeah... So whos next?" Sehun said ready for next game of battleship(s).


End file.
